Hey Love

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I wanted to say something meaningful.

Awful happens all the time, don't let it kill you.

These are my Joes

There's a point when it's too embarrassing to ask for whatever's on the fast food menu.

Maybe when their names become too complicated (Terriyaki McChicken Burger...McTerriyaki Burger...Terriyaki Chicken McBurger) or just too unrelated ("I'll have your Granpapa Burger" or worse, "I'll have your Mama Burger" which might turn into "I'll have yur Mama, Burger"). It's like asking for a Chicken Burger and the cashier gives you the did-I-hear-you-right look, and says "Chubby Chicken?" and I nod and I could hear myself saying "YES, ISN'T THAT THE ONLY EFFING CHICKEN YOU HAVE ON THE MENU, what, you wanna make me seem like a fatty, what?"

I just found out that a friend of mine entered to be in this Sunshine Nation competition, where guys and girls aged 16-18(?) participated to be the ultimate "Sunshine Girl/Boy". It's a really Asian thing, since it's hosted by the Asian community and what not. But ya, basically it's like a beauty pageant but for girls and guys in high school. The pictures from my friend's photo shoot were so forced, just like the photos for the rest of them. If it wasn't for me knowing him and all, I would've skipped the whole biography. I didn't bother checking out the rest of the guys since their profile photos were worse than below average, it's the same thing for the girls as well, but I read a few of them just to get the gist of it and get some laughs out of their stencil-like poses. I clicked to vote for my friend and left the website with pity.

It's funny, and sad at the same time, how the "requirements" for stardom could wash out individuality so quickly. I would've liked it better if they just did some everyday shots of them hanging out with friends, of them shopping, of them gaming, of them doing what they do as a typical teenager and actually see why they should be the right choice to be a role model for their generation. Them posing in attempted preppy clothing and posting up a biography full of details from their height to what they like to eat for breakfast is not gonna tell me anything about how they could be a role model. Unless I digg the same brand of cereal or whatever, but c'mon.

Perhaps I'm just more critical because I'm the same age as them, but I'm definitely not jealous. What could they get out of this competition if all they care about is looks? If I look at them and think I could do better, any day, then there's a problem. Call it a teenage beauty pageant then, don't stick the credit for a good role model with it. If I get the chance to talk to any one of them (except my friend because I seriously don't know why he's doing it), I would let them know that the best model out there is just them being themselves, sans the prep clothing, sans the really badly and really awkwardly planned photoshoot. But the sad thing is, what if that's them in real life? Eh...too bad for them, I guess.

And what's up with all the tween/teen stars nowadays. Can a whole life in the lime light and on the red carpet not wait until they're old enough to go on a fieldtrip without a consent form? I thought that Usher had better things to do than host a house party for a boy who still needs some time before puberty. And Miley and her crew getting tweens excited for high school until they get bullied into lockers or left to eat lunch in the washroom stalls with eyes drawn out of whiteout on the back of the doors that says "we're watching you" underneath. And so many more others. Of course, they all have talent. And it's wonderful that they could develop this talent into such a big career at such a young age. However, having so many of them exposed to the public,

is it just me or is the red carpet rolling closer and closer to the crib, if you get what I mean.

Oh, I watched G.I. Joe today, and I couldn't stop laughing at their attempted epic moments.

*SPOILER ALERT*

I burst out laughing when Rex put on his mask and said "I am the Cobra Commander!" It must've been his face. Get it. See, it's that fail.

And there was such an unnecessary pause at the beginning of the movie where a soldier was going to be blasted from the sky, the director actually put the effort into slow mo-ing the missile that was going at the jet, zoomed into the soldier's face for just enough time for him to say "Oh My God." and then blow him up.

But lots of action I guess? Oh and guess what nationality the samurai was: Korean! Ha. Ha. Surprise, surprise. And there was a hot girl who didn't bother to wear enough clothing to cover half her chest even in Antarctica. And as usual, the US President is a balding white guy who looks like he's gonna wet himself every time there's a hoard of people in suits walking into his office.

I liked the underwater part though, the design was quite something if it were to be a video game. Oh and their hydrogen guns actually made sounds like "pew pew pew". And there's a military captain. And for some reason there's always a secret backup crew if the US military ever failed, hence, for the movie to make sense, the US military always fail in these situations.

I dunno, but calling your awesome classified group of "intellects" as "Joes" kind of diminishes the sexiness of it all.

These are my Joes.

Sounds like you got a crew of plumbers out back. Maybe sticking with their real life name "Delta Force" would be a bit better.

James Jean

I got introduced to James Jean's work through my instructor, and if I never got to see Jean's sketchbooks, I would be really be missing out on some amazing skills.

James Jean is a Taiwanese-American illustrator and artist who's career took off when he became a cover artist for DC comics after he graduated in 2001 from the School of Visual Arts in New York City. Since then, he received multiple awards and hugely publicized his work as he worked with clients such as Time Magazine, The New York Times, Rolling Stone, Playboy, Prada and others. For someone just reaching 30 this year (born 1979), his success really outshines more than a handful of artists.

Here are some pages from his sketchbook to fuel your creative juices.

I love his way of leaving areas unfinished, and overlapping his images to create the sense of movement. There are areas of detail versus emptiness to create tension, which is one of my favourite parts of sketching. It shows skill-the combination is there not just because he can translate things into lines on paper, it's because he wants people who's looking at the sketch to focus on where he was focusing on when he was sketching. It puts that individuality in his work, Jean leads with his pen to let people see what they don't normally see in common settings.


Images from James Jean's website.

Nothing important, just the rest of my life

It's like one of those moments when you suddenly realize you don't want something anymore, even though you really really wanted it minutes, even seconds before. You might've wanted it for days, months, even years, and in that split second---it doesn't matter anymore. But you still think about it, not in the same way you've thought about it before of course, but with a feeling of worthlessness, meaninglessness and sometimes, regret.

I had my moment today in Chapters in the Art & Design section. And no, I'm not talking about sex.

Skimming through those books kind of reassures me, it's like they're confirming my decision to go on to study design, and more importantly, architecture. But today, I felt lost in that pile of books. Do I really want to go into architecture? I look at industrial design books and I find myself wanting to be part of that more than I want to be part of a building. Logos, t-shirts, graphic design, magazine layouts, posters, conceptual art...all that glamour and colour and excitement, where can I find in architecture? On their concrete surfaces? On their glass panels? On their detailed technical blueprints or their expensive looking finishing? What part of design do I want to be involved in? I certainly cannot go for both and hope that I'll come up with some new type of art. I must make a choice, but which one?

People might say it's all the same: "Oh you do art, good for you! You draw?"
But that's not all. It's far from all. To be greedy and attempt to cover all aspects of art, it's not within my reach. All I can do is to look at what's within my reach, is my decision to pursue design.

Red pill, Blue pill, it's the "I'll be a designer when I grow up" versus "I'll be a designer now" deal.
In reality, we're already designers before we even know we can draw.

-I really wanted that book that's a collection of sketchbooks of conceptual designers from a variety of areas: architecture, industrial, computer graphics, logo designing, etc. It was $45.50 CND though, creativity always comes with a huge price. No wonder those designers rake in millions.

Sleeping in a fridge

Seriously, that would be awesome right about now. The sun's nice and all, but it's just too hot to do anything. Even sitting at home makes me sweat like an elephant in menopause. Yeah, just like that.

The stuffiness makes everything so irritating. I find myself getting frustrated more easily, because suddenly the music's too loud, the jokes aren't funny, the computer's too slow, my dad's being too much of a mom, people are too annoying, everywhere I go is too chaotic and being the impatient person that I already am, nothing really helps me get through the heat. I'll only rage and get more irritated. My only way of escaping all of that is to sleep and it's even too hot to sleep because I'll just lie on my bed and end up swimming in my own pool of sweat. Fml. Now, I could fully appreciate the hardcore AC availability in China.

And yay, my driver's license came today. I look like a criminal in that photo. And my dad won't let me drive until he puts me through some classes with an instructor, I guess he doesn't want me learning all his reckless driving skills.

Eff... U-N!!

Fail Cranium party after 8 hours of art was pretty interesting. So much for staging a game and taping it for a video that's gonna be uploaded on Youtube for a contest to make money, we barely had enough time to get through two Cameos and one Sensosketch before we had to leave Amy's house since she has French class. And then another few rounds at Winona park.

I hope we actually have a real Cranium party some time, maybe one that JUSTIN would actually show up at. I swear Andrew's heart just broke when he realized Justin's not coming today. He was so sad that he was howling in the video footage for Justin's presence.

I hope you could sleep tonight, Justin.

Oh and here's the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GA1exSQfzOk

Oh, Hi there

Saturday

I woke up it was seven/ waited till eleven/ just to figure out that no one would come...

Was Dad home yesterday when I woke up? I seriously can't remember. He has a lot of things going on these days and naturally, I have no clue. But I do remember looking at the time and kicking myself for not waking up earlier to go to Metrotown to get my friends' birthday presents for the party today. Guess I'll have to owe them both material and emotional debts for now. And I ran through the things that I had to do/go to today quickly in my head: go to the art studio at 3:30pm, leave at 5:30pm and beast it to this downtown Korean restaurant, eat dinner, and get back to Kits Beach by 8:30/9pm and meet up with friends, just in time for the fireworks.

And I swear I wouldn't have gotten that Frap at Starbucks on my way to the studio if I knew it's gonna mark the start of my bad day.

It was hot, and Colin was right, 0% chance of rain and a high of 28C that'll feel like 36C. Life's good, until the frappacino started melting chocolate down my arm on the bus. And I might recall a few streaks of chocolate on my legs too as I walked into the studio. I would trade paint streaks for chocolate stains any day.

I've been working on the same abstract painting for so long that every time I see it again at the studio it's like...just worse than chocolate running down my arms and legs on the bus. But I'm sure it'll be worth it, if not, why would I be practically living in the studio? Seriously, from the beginning of summer till now, I've been spending hours in there every day. It's not like I mind it, I enjoy it of course, tons of sketching, painting, building and occasional chats with my instructor. She's definitely an interesting person. She's like a teacher, but not overpowering. When she wants to suggest something, it always sounds like what a suggestion should be like-you can if you want, but you don't have to- and not "do this because I say so". She treats me like a friend, like an artist, like someone that she would seek suggestions from And I love how it's always just me and her, and those few occasional individuals who are working on their own projects as well.

It's so chill, she even showed me her HappyFarm during lunch at the studio. Although we're like friends, still, out of respect I resisted my urge to facepalm.

5:30pm I was waiting for my bus to downtown. There was a lady who asked me if she could smoke at the bus stop. She said she's from Britain so she doesn't really know the "rules" here in Canada. I said go ahead, it's just a bus stop. As much as I hate smoking, saying "No, in fact you can't smoke anywhere in Canada, not even where the polar bears live. Actually, especially where the polar bears live. You won't want to melt our igloos, would you?" would make me look like I'm the polar bear smoking in a melting igloo. So I walked away after she started smoking.

And I missed the bus.

And waiting for the bus downtown was a pain too. I won't say I'm the most patient person in the world, but I have quite a large tolerance range. 3 full buses passed by me on Robson and I finally decided to walk to the korean place. And I took less time to get there than the next Robson bus would've taken me if I boarded the 4th one.

It was a nice place for a birthday dinner. Kinda awkward at first since I only know the two birthday boys and no one else, that's like 2 out of 17? Oh and Joseph. He ordered something called Pork on Fire. After he ate it, he's like pork on fire. Straight forward enough, I guess? That guy cracks me up.

My plan to go to the fireworks got mildly interrupted by a thunderstorm. Just mildly. The buses didn't run down their regular stops because of the fireworks and road block. So we had to walk about 10 blocks to the nearest skytrain station in the rain. I knew I should've brought my sweater but Colin's "0% chance of rain" was so reassuring, I didn't bother. Midway during that walk in the rain, I looked up and the sky was red as if it was judgment day.

I skytrained to Main and got off to take the Main bus home. There were cops everywhere, maybe because of the fireworks and the storm. Either reason, I felt reassured that there is security around at this hour, especially when I'm soaked. The Main bus stop at the skytrain station was always a sketchy place to be at. At least I always thought so. And by the time I got on the bus, I had images of people on the bus being held hostage and such. For once, I finally got to know why some people think Vancouver isn't that safe, to the point that I was scaring myself on a bus.

Cities are so interesting, it's not just the buildings or offices that make it a city, as my Geography teacher and those geography theories might suggest, it's more like the relationship between people and people, and of course, people in living spaces. It's something to think about, and I find myself as a horrible cliche at times thinking about these things. People who know me well knows what I want to be in the future. Most say that I'm lucky that I know what I want to do, in some ways I admit I am. But sometimes I could give myself options as well? It's like people think you're gonna be something, and you think you know what you're gonna be, and all of a sudden, you find yourself trying to be something you think you should be but you don't want to be. Confusing.

So I was laying awake in bed at 3:55am listening to the thunderstorm outside and wondering where my dad might be at this hour and other curious matters such as whether or not the barista at Starbucks today gave me a shot of Expresso in my frappacino instead of chocolate.

I realized how awake I could be at 3:55am. Either I have to stop messing with my bioclock and actually wake up at 8:30am instead of 12pm or I could blame the coffee. I've never had coffee before, of course if the barista did give me coffee instead of chocolate then technically I did. But I don't think I've ever had coffee willingly, not even during those nights staying up to write essays and lab reports. I don't think I'll like it anyways.

It's almost 4am and I started having this conversation with myself in my head. Perhaps something came up that finally got me to start blogging again but unfortunately I don't remember much of the conversation. Isn't it always like that? Something just sounds so right in my head and when I say it, it just doesn't translate into that exact thought. And because of this, those moments just seem the more awkward...or inappropriate, whichever way you prefer.

Anyways, I think it was something about defining yourself. Or I should say, myself, to stay on the safe side of things. But this is getting too long. I guess I should say something like, welcome back? :)