These are my Joes

There's a point when it's too embarrassing to ask for whatever's on the fast food menu.

Maybe when their names become too complicated (Terriyaki McChicken Burger...McTerriyaki Burger...Terriyaki Chicken McBurger) or just too unrelated ("I'll have your Granpapa Burger" or worse, "I'll have your Mama Burger" which might turn into "I'll have yur Mama, Burger"). It's like asking for a Chicken Burger and the cashier gives you the did-I-hear-you-right look, and says "Chubby Chicken?" and I nod and I could hear myself saying "YES, ISN'T THAT THE ONLY EFFING CHICKEN YOU HAVE ON THE MENU, what, you wanna make me seem like a fatty, what?"

I just found out that a friend of mine entered to be in this Sunshine Nation competition, where guys and girls aged 16-18(?) participated to be the ultimate "Sunshine Girl/Boy". It's a really Asian thing, since it's hosted by the Asian community and what not. But ya, basically it's like a beauty pageant but for girls and guys in high school. The pictures from my friend's photo shoot were so forced, just like the photos for the rest of them. If it wasn't for me knowing him and all, I would've skipped the whole biography. I didn't bother checking out the rest of the guys since their profile photos were worse than below average, it's the same thing for the girls as well, but I read a few of them just to get the gist of it and get some laughs out of their stencil-like poses. I clicked to vote for my friend and left the website with pity.

It's funny, and sad at the same time, how the "requirements" for stardom could wash out individuality so quickly. I would've liked it better if they just did some everyday shots of them hanging out with friends, of them shopping, of them gaming, of them doing what they do as a typical teenager and actually see why they should be the right choice to be a role model for their generation. Them posing in attempted preppy clothing and posting up a biography full of details from their height to what they like to eat for breakfast is not gonna tell me anything about how they could be a role model. Unless I digg the same brand of cereal or whatever, but c'mon.

Perhaps I'm just more critical because I'm the same age as them, but I'm definitely not jealous. What could they get out of this competition if all they care about is looks? If I look at them and think I could do better, any day, then there's a problem. Call it a teenage beauty pageant then, don't stick the credit for a good role model with it. If I get the chance to talk to any one of them (except my friend because I seriously don't know why he's doing it), I would let them know that the best model out there is just them being themselves, sans the prep clothing, sans the really badly and really awkwardly planned photoshoot. But the sad thing is, what if that's them in real life? Eh...too bad for them, I guess.

And what's up with all the tween/teen stars nowadays. Can a whole life in the lime light and on the red carpet not wait until they're old enough to go on a fieldtrip without a consent form? I thought that Usher had better things to do than host a house party for a boy who still needs some time before puberty. And Miley and her crew getting tweens excited for high school until they get bullied into lockers or left to eat lunch in the washroom stalls with eyes drawn out of whiteout on the back of the doors that says "we're watching you" underneath. And so many more others. Of course, they all have talent. And it's wonderful that they could develop this talent into such a big career at such a young age. However, having so many of them exposed to the public,

is it just me or is the red carpet rolling closer and closer to the crib, if you get what I mean.

Oh, I watched G.I. Joe today, and I couldn't stop laughing at their attempted epic moments.

*SPOILER ALERT*

I burst out laughing when Rex put on his mask and said "I am the Cobra Commander!" It must've been his face. Get it. See, it's that fail.

And there was such an unnecessary pause at the beginning of the movie where a soldier was going to be blasted from the sky, the director actually put the effort into slow mo-ing the missile that was going at the jet, zoomed into the soldier's face for just enough time for him to say "Oh My God." and then blow him up.

But lots of action I guess? Oh and guess what nationality the samurai was: Korean! Ha. Ha. Surprise, surprise. And there was a hot girl who didn't bother to wear enough clothing to cover half her chest even in Antarctica. And as usual, the US President is a balding white guy who looks like he's gonna wet himself every time there's a hoard of people in suits walking into his office.

I liked the underwater part though, the design was quite something if it were to be a video game. Oh and their hydrogen guns actually made sounds like "pew pew pew". And there's a military captain. And for some reason there's always a secret backup crew if the US military ever failed, hence, for the movie to make sense, the US military always fail in these situations.

I dunno, but calling your awesome classified group of "intellects" as "Joes" kind of diminishes the sexiness of it all.
These are my Joes.
Sounds like you got a crew of plumbers out back. Maybe sticking with their real life name "Delta Force" would be a bit better.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

"what's up with teen/tween stars lately..."

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I THINK.
It's like they're shoved into the spotlight right after they're born :P have you seen the korean reality tv shows? or the school where kids learn to become pop stars like wonder girls?
gah :P

Anonymous said...

"I'll have your Mama, Burger."
HA HA HA

or

"Supersize me. Now."

justin said...

Another hilarious thing, the blasted icebergs sinking underwater to crush the base.
fail.