Nothing important, just the rest of my life

It's like one of those moments when you suddenly realize you don't want something anymore, even though you really really wanted it minutes, even seconds before. You might've wanted it for days, months, even years, and in that split second---it doesn't matter anymore. But you still think about it, not in the same way you've thought about it before of course, but with a feeling of worthlessness, meaninglessness and sometimes, regret.

I had my moment today in Chapters in the Art & Design section. And no, I'm not talking about sex.

Skimming through those books kind of reassures me, it's like they're confirming my decision to go on to study design, and more importantly, architecture. But today, I felt lost in that pile of books. Do I really want to go into architecture? I look at industrial design books and I find myself wanting to be part of that more than I want to be part of a building. Logos, t-shirts, graphic design, magazine layouts, posters, conceptual art...all that glamour and colour and excitement, where can I find in architecture? On their concrete surfaces? On their glass panels? On their detailed technical blueprints or their expensive looking finishing? What part of design do I want to be involved in? I certainly cannot go for both and hope that I'll come up with some new type of art. I must make a choice, but which one?

People might say it's all the same: "Oh you do art, good for you! You draw?"
But that's not all. It's far from all. To be greedy and attempt to cover all aspects of art, it's not within my reach. All I can do is to look at what's within my reach, is my decision to pursue design.

Red pill, Blue pill, it's the "I'll be a designer when I grow up" versus "I'll be a designer now" deal.
In reality, we're already designers before we even know we can draw.

-I really wanted that book that's a collection of sketchbooks of conceptual designers from a variety of areas: architecture, industrial, computer graphics, logo designing, etc. It was $45.50 CND though, creativity always comes with a huge price. No wonder those designers rake in millions.

3 comments:

Lothwe said...

"Logos, t-shirts, graphic design, magazine layouts, posters, conceptual art..."

THIS.
this is exactly what i want. too.
<3

Lucy said...

What the hell are you doing up so late before your history exam, woman?!

and if you want to do design you should try design schools?

A boyfriend said...

I had my moment today in Chapters in the Art & Design section. And no, I'm not talking about sex.

This is a lie.